no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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