How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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