I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
