I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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