Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
