I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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