I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
