It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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