The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
