I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
