I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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