what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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