Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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