i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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