i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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