So drunk its hurt
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
