my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
