I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
