It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
