Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
