Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
