Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
