I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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