Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
