I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't turn off my feet"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
