there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
