we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize