I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
