Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
