garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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