In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
