She's JV to your varsity
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
