I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to align my fucking chakras
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
