Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh god it's open bar.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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