after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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