So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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