so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
