I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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