i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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