OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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