so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
