the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
