Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
