Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
