After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
