I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
