im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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