I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
