I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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