what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
