alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
