sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
