Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
