do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
