So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
