Are we in a gay sports bar?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
