i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well you can't waste a boner
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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