Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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