i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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