we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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