Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm passing your future prison.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
