you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's never too late to be topless.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
