Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
