Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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