I wish I only lived at night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
