Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
