she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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