if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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