I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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