she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
