Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
