Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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