i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
