I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
