her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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