Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
