I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
