Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Randomize
