i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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