I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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